First 24 hours

Today I went to my first OA meeting. Well really it was my 2nd. 7 years ago, I went to a meeting at the request of my then psychiatrist and walked out after about 20 minutes. I wasn't ready at all. Many events lead me there tonight.

As I'm sitting here trying to type out my thoughts, I realize I'm still afraid to let this stuff out. Not a soul is reading this journal (yet, i guess) but I am still scared to admit out loud that I have a problem with food that few people understand. I eat when I'm sad, happy, celebrating, stressed, hurting, excited, and any time I crave something. Sometimes I hide what I eat so people don't know. Surprisingly, I'm not terribly overweight. I'm 5' 5 1/2" and I weigh about 200 lbs. But I feel so awful when I know I'm binging or eating things that are horrendous for my health. I hate my stomach, my flabby arms, my thighs that chafe when I walk. Laying down on my side is getting uncomfortable.

I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm going to another meeting tomorrow.